


Book Lovers

by sackoflemons



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: AU, F/M, Fluff, rape mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 11:16:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6982477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sackoflemons/pseuds/sackoflemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba visits a bookstore owned by Amanda Rollins to get out of the rain. He quickly realizes it isn't just the coffee that keeps him coming back...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Book Lovers

**Author's Note:**

> Baby's first Barollins! Thanks so much to headbuttingbears for beta-ing and for the title. :D

Barba regretted leaving his umbrella in his office the moment he felt the first drop of rain splash onto his nose, fat and cold. One drop became many as he hurried along the sidewalk, and by the time he heard the first peal of thunder he’d quickened his pace to a run, the rain pelting him from all directions. It was raining so hard he could barely see, and was that lightning?

Squinting against the rain, he peered into the closest window – it looked like a bookstore, that would do – and yanked open the door. He jumped when it slammed behind him, the now-howling wind following him inside and making his soaked coat billow around his body. He hung it on the coat rack as quietly as he could, sure the customers were staring at him as rain dripped onto the floor. He took out a handkerchief – miraculously still dry in his inner pocket – and did his best to wipe the rain from his face and hair. He was sure he looked a mess, but at this point he didn’t care.

Barba was in luck: the comforting scent of fresh coffee floating through the air told him that there was a café inside this bookstore. He found his way to the counter, his annoyance melting away at the thought of a hot cup of coffee. It would be his fifth cup that day, but his teeth were starting to chatter despite the warmth of the bookstore. A drop he’d missed trickled from his hair down the back of his neck.

“What can I get for you, sugar?” the woman behind the counter asked. She looked so warm in that fuzzy aqua-blue sweater that Barba was instantly jealous. Her soft blonde hair shone under the string of star-shaped novelty lights and she smiled, a sincere and sweet smile that was nothing like the “how-can-I-help-you” smiles of the baristas at the coffee shops he usually frequented.

Barba ordered a larger-than-usual coffee, because fuck it, it’s not like he was planning to leave this place until the storm let up. And it wasn’t as if he was going to sleep tonight, not with the workload he had.

“I’ll get that started for you,” she said, the sugary tones of her southern accent washing over Barba, calming him. He looked around as he waited. Though it was on his way home, he’d never been inside before – who had time for reading? – and he was surprised at how nice it was. How truly cozy, more like someone’s house than a shop.

“Here you go,” she said, gently sliding the cup of coffee toward him. Their eyes met and he saw the faintest trace of a smile on her lips as she turned to help the next customer in line. The rain hadn’t stopped yet, judging by the looks of the small crowd that had formed.

Barba took the cup to the only empty table, started to open his briefcase, then decided against it. Something about this place - the smell of the coffee, the rain rolling down the windows, the soft lighting – was just so overwhelmingly pleasant that it’d be a shame to ruin it with work. He could work when he got home. His hand twitched and he was suddenly very aware of the lack of phone in it, but that could wait, too.

He sipped his coffee, watching the other customers. They seemed to be in good moods despite most of them being soaked to the bone like he was. He wasn’t sure if it was only because he was still so cold that his hands shook slightly, but this coffee was incredible. Much better than the food truck outside the courthouse, that was for sure. Or was it only because he wasn’t gulping it down while plowing through paperwork? Maybe in the future he’d actually stop working when he took his coffee breaks.

“Oh, let me take that for you, honey,” a voice came from behind as Barba got up to leave, coffee cup in hand. He turned to see the blonde woman from before, the same kind smile on her face as she held out her hand.

“Thank you,” he said, giving her the cup. “That was some of the best coffee I’ve ever had.” He had no idea why he’d just said that; giving out random compliments was just not something he did. Until today, apparently.

Her smile widened. “Why thank you,” she said. “Stop by anytime for more.”

He returned the smile – just a small turning up of the lips, but it was more than he’d expected to smile that day – and headed for the door. The rain had slowed to a drizzle but he almost wished it hadn’t.

***  
Barba couldn’t stop thinking about that damn coffee from the bookstore. It was too far away to justify going on his lunch break – he needed all the time he could get to work on this case and it would be stupid to waste time walking there – but maybe he could go after work if he made a significant dent today? He’d been telling himself that for the past week. Fuck it, he’d just go. He could always do work while he was there.

He only lasted an extra half hour before gathering his briefcase and coat. Was this about the same time he’d left last week? He wondered if the same woman would be working at the café when he got there. Something about her had made him feel so relaxed - well, as relaxed as he could get, anyway.

When he opened the door to the bookstore the blonde woman was setting up a display near the front of the store: “Curl Up With a Good Book.” She turned and her face broke into a wide smile when she saw him. “Well hi there, sugar,” she said. “Glad you decided to come back.”

“Uh, yes,” he said. “I’m afraid I might be addicted to the coffee here.”

She grinned. “I knew the little café was a good idea.”

“Oh, are you…?”

“The proud owner.” She stuck out her hand. “Amanda Rollins.”  
“Rafael Barba,” he said, shaking her hand. As tiny as it seemed in his, there was nothing delicate about her handshake.

“Well, Rafael, Cindy’s working the café today so you’re in good hands. But if you ever feel like finding something to read, I’m your girl.”

“No time for reading,” he said with a small smile, and she laughed before turning back to the display. He lingered behind her for slightly too long before heading to the café.

Cindy, who was just as friendly as Amanda but lacked her warm southern accent, handed him a cup of coffee that he was pleased to find was just as good as the one he’d had on his first visit. He glanced back at Amanda, who’d finished the display and was now talking to a couple who’d walked in. He sat at one of the small tables and took out his phone, scrolling through his texts before glancing up again. Maybe he’d become a regular here.

***

It had been three days since Barba’s visit to the bookstore – which was called Page Turners, he’d made a point to look at the sign this time – and he was itching to go back. Would that look weird? Why should he care how it looked? He hated to admit it, but he hadn't realized just how lonely he'd been until he'd visited that place. Even if he’d just been sitting there alone with his coffee, being surrounded by people – happy people – was a good feeling. And maybe he could somehow _make_ time to read? It wasn’t like he’d have to turn the book back in, it wasn’t a library.

Thirty minutes later he opened the door to the bookstore and headed to a section of books as casually as he could, trying to look as if he belonged there.

“You like Westerns?” came a voice from behind him, and he almost jumped. Amanda had a warm smile on her face.

“Uh, not really, no,” he said. “I don’t think so. I’m not even sure where to start.”

“Well, I said I was your girl if you needed a book, and I just so happen to be free right now,” she said. “What do you usually read?”

“Paperwork,” he said with a laugh, and he was pleased to see that Amanda laughed too. It was nice to get a positive response to one of his little quips, something most people ignored. Most of the people he interacted with on a daily basis lacked a sense of humor, or at least didn’t get his.

“I honestly can’t remember the last time I read a book for pleasure,” he said. “I guess I’d like to try something new but I don’t even know what I’d like.”

“Do you want to read about the real world or escape from it? Fantasy, sci-fi, historical?”

“Getting away sounds nice,” he said. She nodded, and he felt as if she were sizing him up somehow, looking too deeply into his eyes and discovering all his secrets. It should have made him uncomfortable, but it didn’t.

“Do you have any special interests or hobbies? What is it that you do, anyway? If I may ask.” There was the grin again, playful and slightly teasing but completely devoid of anything mean-spirited.

“I’m an attorney,” he said. “I work with the police, with the special victims unit-” He stopped when he saw that the color had drained from Amanda’s face. Oh, shit. Did she not like lawyers? Or cops? Had he just ruined this whole thing, whatever it was?

“How interesting,” she said, the smile back on her face so fast it seemed impossible that it had ever left. “Sounds like a busy job. No wonder you don’t have time to read.”

“Yeah, so maybe we should start with something short,” he said, his heart rate returning to normal. Everything was fine. Whatever had bothered her was obviously nothing too serious, as she was still talking to him with just as much enthusiasm as before.

Forty-five minutes and three thin books of very different genres later (“Just try them, you never know what you might like!”), Barba headed home. Maybe if he managed his time right he could even start one of them before bed. Even the thought of reading a book he knew she’d read made him feel less lonely. Being connected to another human being by the thinnest thread was better than floating in space.

***

Barba finished the first book, a Cold War spy novel, in three days. He’d read on breaks, in between meetings, and as soon as he got home from work each day. Now it was Friday and, as busy as it was, the day was dragging. He never used to want the day to be over like this. As frustrating and hard to deal with as it could be, he enjoyed his job, and it was usually hard to tear himself away from his office, even after everyone else had gone home. He was sure Carmen was starting to wonder about him, but he didn't care. The bookstore, the coffee, and Amanda were waiting.

“Hi there,” she said, greeting him with a warm smile when he walked into the bookstore that afternoon. "How was work?"

“Oh, uh, it was fine,” he said. Since asking what he did, she hadn’t brought the subject up again, and he assumed it would be better not to talk about it too much.

“Why don’t we get a cup of coffee? It’s slow today and I’ve got a new employee being trained. Ted,” she called, and a freckly young man was at her side almost instantly. “This is Rafael, one of my favorite new regulars.”

Barba felt warmth spread through his body. Being anyone’s favorite anything was new, but if this is what it felt like, he wanted more of it.

"Nice to meet you," Ted said, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Think you can handle the floor, honey?" Amanda asked, looking pointedly at the mostly-empty store. “I’m gonna take a coffee break.”

“Oh yeah, sure,” he said with a vigorous nod.

“Good boy,” Amanda said, and the look she gave Barba was playful as they headed to the café. She ordered for both of them – on the house, she insisted when he’d pulled out his wallet – and led him to a table in the corner.

Barba pulled out the book he’d finished – he wasn’t sure why he’d brought it with him, like it was some kind of trophy – and placed it on the table between them. “This was incredible,” he said.

Her face lit up and she reached for the book, turning it over in her hands. “Wasn’t it, though? And wow, that was fast, Mr. I’m-Too-Busy-To-Read.”

“I’m a hard worker who likes to see results,” he said, and she laughed.

Two cups of coffee and a long conversation about the book later, Barba finally asked a question that had been on his mind for a while: “So, why a bookstore? Did you always like to read so much?”

He felt his heart sink as she opened her mouth and then closed it again. She looked sad and slightly uncomfortable, and that was the last thing he’d wanted. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he said. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s fine,” she said, and she smiled as their eyes met. “Well, Rafael, believe it or not, I used to be a cop back in Atlanta.”

He waited for her to say more, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, but his mind burned with a million questions.

“I was also a gambling addict. Still am, I guess, like how alcoholics never fully recover? But I haven’t gambled in years. I wanted to change my life and I knew I’d have to beat that to do it.”

“That’s… great,” he said, wanting to say more but not knowing what.

“That’s why I started to read so much,” she said. “At first it was just to get my mind off things, but I realized that I had to replace one addiction with another. That’s really the secret. It’s so simple that it seems unbelievable, but it’s true.”

“So you decided to turn your passion for reading into a business?”

“Basically,” she said, and there was that smile again, sweet and friendly but with a tinge of sadness. “I had some money saved that I’d been so good about not touching. Not that I hadn’t been tempted, mind you,” she said with a laugh, and Barba was glad to be able to laugh with her, to break the serious mood a bit. “Just one more time, maybe five hundred dollars and then I’d quit for good. But I realized that if I did that, everyone I knew would be right. They would win and I’d just be the same old trash as always, unable to control myself, a degenerate gambler as well as-” she broke off and shook her head. The smile was still on her face but there was a faint glimmer of sadness in her eyes.

“Well, good for you,” Barba said, and before he knew what he was doing he reached across the table and gently grasped her hands. Instead of flinching like he almost feared she would, her smile widened and her eyes filled with tears.

“I just can’t believe I’m where I am,” she said, gently pulling a hand away to wipe her eyes. “If you’d have told the me from three years ago where I’d be right now, she’d have laughed you out of the room.”

“Same here,” Barba said, as it suddenly hit him just how different his life had become. He had somewhere to go, something to look forward to, and someone to talk to. Someone he had come to care about.

“Look at me, talking so much about myself and not letting you get a word in,” she said. “My mama would have a fit.”

“No, it’s fine,” he said. “For once it’s not me who has the mouth. It’s a nice change.” They both laughed.

“Well, my break is just about over,” Amanda said, getting up. “But please come back soon. And if you want my number…”

Barba had taken out his phone almost before she finished her sentence. They exchanged numbers and when he left the bookstore he already couldn’t wait to return.

***

Barba found the time to visit Amanda several times over the next few weeks, staying later and later, sometimes having long conversations with her and sometimes doing work in the Page Turners café. He really only went home to sleep, and when he did he found his apartment shockingly empty and quiet. He thought about inviting her over once or twice, but he didn’t want to rush things. It had been years since he’d been in a relationship – is that what this was? – and he wasn’t about to risk it like that. 

He hadn’t seen the need to call or text her yet either, but from the way his afternoon was going, that was about to change. He had two major trials coming up and was more swamped than usual. He’d already stayed an extra hour and a half meeting with people and if it kept going at this rate, the bookstore would be closed by the time he got there. He sighed and picked up his phone.

“Going to be late. Please wait for me?”

A reply almost instantly: “I live above the store remember? I’m not goin anywhere ;)” 

He smiled and set the phone down, a thrill rushing through his body. Just one more interview and some forms and he’d be free. Amanda would be waiting.

It was raining when he finally left his office and he was drenched by the time he got to Page Turners, but that was the last thing on his mind as he walked through the door ten minutes before closing. Amanda was at the register, handing the last customer of the night a bag full of books.

“Oh my goodness, you poor thing, you’re soaked! Just let me finish closing this register and I’ll be right back,” she said when the customer had left. “Would you mind turning the sign off?”

Barba did as he was told and stood awkwardly next to a book display, ruffling his hair in a half-hearted attempt to dry it. He’d become totally comfortable with Amanda but tonight felt different for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that they were in there alone, but whatever it was, the air felt charged somehow. He resisted the urge to take out his phone as he waited.

“All done,” she said as she emerged from the back office. She handed him a small towel. “Here.”

He took the towel and she shook her head as she watched him dry himself. “You really need to remember your umbrella.”

“I know,” he said with a laugh, setting the towel down on the counter. 

She looked at him with the same faint smile on her face until the silence between them was unbearable. Barba reached for her first, pulling her to him as their lips met, but Amanda was just as quick as she reached behind his head to thread her fingers through his short, rain-damp hair. They broke apart after several seconds, gasping for air and staring into each other’s eyes as their breathing slowed.

“I don’t want to leave,” Barba said.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Amanda said, grabbing his wrist. “Come on.” She led him to a door at the back of the store and up the stairs, only letting go when they got to the door to her apartment.

“This is it,” she said, opening the door. “It’s not much but it’s home, and all that.” The apartment was tiny compared to Barba’s place but it looked so much more like a _home_ , and suddenly Barba was sitting next to Amanda on her bed and he didn’t remember how he’d gotten there. Things were moving so fast.

“Rafael, I have to tell you something before this goes any further,” she said, and he felt his stomach drop. Did she only want sex? He was sure she felt the same way about him as he did about her, but he was so out of practice, maybe he was reading her signals all wrong, maybe-

“I mentioned that I used to be a cop,” she said, interrupting his doubts. He nodded.

“There’s a reason I left that life,” she said. “My commanding officer… he raped me, Rafael.”

“Oh my god.”

She let out a shaky breath and held her hand up, determined to get on with it before he could say anything else. “He told me he’d get my sister off the hook if I slept with him, so I did. I know it was wrong, but what else could I do?” Her eyes glistened with tears that looked dangerously close to spilling. “But the thing is, it didn’t go away after that. No one would believe he was capable of that. Everyone thought I was just a slut trying to sleep her way to the top.” Now she was crying, and Rafael took her hand.

“Amanda, listen to me,” he said. “I believe you, and no matter what that scumbag did or what anyone else thinks, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It’s just been so hard to trust anyone since then,” she said. “I can’t believe I just told you that. I can’t believe I finally did it.”

“You did, and it hasn’t changed anything,” he said, sliding his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. “I believe you and I trust you.”

“What the hell did I do to deserve you?” she asked, sniffling and then laughing as she reached for a tissue from the box on her nightstand.

“I’ve been asking myself the same thing,” he said.

She leaned in and kissed him gently, cupping his face in her hands. “Let’s not question it,” she whispered into his ear as her hand moved from his face to his chest, going lower and lower until it reached his groin. He let out a little gasp and leaned into her.

“Do you want this?” he asked.

“Hell yes,” was her reply, punctuated by kisses along his neck that made him groan.

They pushed their clothes off as quickly as possible, laughing as they fumbled with buttons and struggled with hooks, unable to slow down. Rafael could see that Amanda’s body was beautiful. Of course it was, he’d never had any doubts, but she was still breathtaking to see, naked and glistening with a faint sheen of sweat as she lay on the bed under him. He lowered himself, gently cupping her breasts as he moved against her, kissing the space between them. He could feel the slippery warmth between her legs as he slid closer. She arched her back as he entered her, and he felt her hands grasping his back, pulling him closer. His thrusts increased in intensity and they were both panting hard when he heard her gasp. His soft moans became louder and loader until his screams tore through the air but he didn’t care, all he cared about was her and the way she felt around him as he came.

He slowly rolled onto his back when he was finished, his hand finding hers among the mess of sheets and blankets. He felt her kiss the top of his head and he smiled. They stayed like that until they drifted off to sleep.

***

Amanda woke first, and for a panicked moment she thought he’d gone. But there he was, curled up at the edge of the bed, close to falling off. She grabbed his shoulder as gently as possible and rolled him back toward her – just a few inches, he was heavy and she didn’t want to wake him – and lay down again, facing him, unable to fight back a smile. 

She couldn’t believe this had really happened. When was the last time she’d had sex that meant something – and what incredible sex it was, she knew he’d be a screamer – with someone she actually… loved? Is that what this was? The only thing she knew for sure was that this was real. Maybe good things could happen to her, after all.


End file.
